First off, I'm SO excited to be here! On this blog, finally writing another post freely. I've been feeling so restricted from doing anything I enjoy lately so this is a much needed relief. Second, a HUGE thank you to everyone who is reading/ commenting/ donating (Denise Cooper thank youuu!), I have to say you guys are HUGELY inspirational. Naturally, this blog is dedicated to my relationship with SAM and more often than not I draw from our experiences, but every time I receive feedback from someone who has read the blog or believes in it, I am hugely motivated to believe that I'm involved in something positive and not completely insane, lol so Thank you for that as I truly, truly appreciate it. NOW! To the story!
Okay so, I am not typically a calm, cool, and collected person when it comes to relationships. I mean generally, in working situations, I do very well under pressure! However, in relationships I just don't. Reason being? I don't like being unnecessarily unhappy, and I never understand why it is a requirement within relationships to deal with unhappiness or discontent for/with your partner or friends for that matter. That being said, at any given moment of extended disenchantment I just give up. lol I vehemently throw in the towel; can't fight , won't fight, done before it even began.... that's me.
Naturally, I haven't been in too many long-term relationships!
Consider that the first ingredient to the recipe of destruction.
Then we have SAM, a routined "
The weekend for instance, is a terrible time to contact him! Why? Because he travels back to his old neighborhood (where I met him) to go out drinking with friends until like 2-3 a.m. (which happens very routinely unless he has an exam or something). This DOES NOT stop him however, from contacting me on the weekends and even video chatting me, while drunk and with friends. If you know me, you can already see the problem here.
It's not that I don't want him out or that I think a party is a problem. No, no, no I do my thing on the weekend as well but when I say SAM is drinking I mean hes is drunk lol, drunk enough to message me with the intention of letting me know just how drunk he is. I don't usually go that far in my rendezvous.
Now, let's stir the pot and add in a pinch of neglect:
Like I said, I'm naturally overwhelmed in relationships with a high tendency to freak out and abandon the situation, and SAM, sometimes, ignores my texts. Sure! he doesn't want to admit that he ignores them but since I can be a little neurotic I've already pretty much observed his "texting behaviors"/ his daily routine and can easily tell when something is out of order (some of you are thinking I'm crazy at this point, those same individuals know they do this too!!! they just don't like to admit it.). We all, pretty much perform some variation of this, you know when your partner is acting weird because if you knew nothing about their behavior and their daily life you wouldn't be with them.
So when I'm feeling ignored and you are answering my texts hours later, or not addressing a question I've asked you, and then! messaging me while you are out partying and drunk. Yes, I feel some type of way. Not a way that is easily expressed either.
Thus..... the meltdown.
Love is crazy and makes us crazy and it being a long distance romance is very hard, in order to make this work you would have to succoumb to the insecurity, the fear, the desire to throw in the towel. What you are trying to do at a distance is hard enough when 2 people are close and being millions of miles apart takes a very strong individual to stay in something that is filled with uncertainity but i commend you and sam for trying. Texting is our new way of the world and yes both men and women feel as you do, waiting for a response when we know it was received and read wondering what the heck i don't deserve a response, i'm not important enough to respond to, i take the time to reach out to you and get nothing in return or as i have often heard from other women the famous excuses, my phone died, it was on vibrate, I was asleep, didn't get that text and the ever famous they respond a day or two later. So yes relationships can be complicated but the feeling of being in that relationship is also a feeling you don't want to let go it's like an addiction that makes you feel good when your in it and when away from it you want it again cause of the good feelings you remember having. Nothing is 100% secure whether 2 people are 2 blocks away or 2 million miles away if its something 2 people are willing to fight for time and space will not hinder whats there between the 2 of you, stay true and honest, honesty and trust will be your best friends and this is for both of you cause if you don't have those 2 nothing will make it survive not even being around the corner from each other. Have faith, pray, and remember 2 things honesty and trust. Don't give up we have become a world of giving up when things get tough, we don't like something, we think its not worth it, we don't look for solutions, its a world of move on it's ok don't stick it out, theres something more out there for you and in the mean time cause we didn't fight for love or for somehting that could of been something we go on lonely and searching for something that we make have had but throw in the towel toooo early.
ReplyDeletelol I love the ESSAY you've written me anon. lol but seriously i'm soo happy that people not only take the time out to read but also to share on this blog and I definitely read this comment as soon as it was posted! And MAAAAAAN was it needed. I honestly think every weekend with SAM I'm ready to give up lol. The man can be soo attentive during the week but on the weekend!? he might as well dropped off the planet. But you're so right because he's never given me a reason to not trust him or not believe in the love that he has for me and that's more than I've gotten from guys on my own campus. So reaaaaally thank you for the encouragement and the insight, I'll have to keep this comment in my back pocket whenever Friday rolls around :)
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