Episode 5: Baby don't hurt me

What is love?

Other than that random 90s song that probably just came to your head right now, the true question here is what IS love?

I don't know guys. I'm going to be honest, I have no idea. I mean I sit up here ranting and raving about this grand love affair with this guy, and I ask YOU yes! YOU the reader to support me at (gofundme.com/goingthedistance) but I'm only 22, what do I know about love?

My family... is filled with a lot of love, but it is familial love. We love each other because we're all interconnected and we've built these relationships for years. I've never had the opportunity to really see romantic love though. And SAM knows as I've told him, there are no husbands in my family. Not a single one. We are the single mothers clan of 2014 and I ....  don't know how I feel about that. Funny thing is, up until now, thats what I aspired to be. A single mom, doing it all on her own and killin' it! That's what the women I know, do; we LOVE our children, we LOVE ourselves, but men? I really didn't think it was even possible.

 And maybe it isn't!

You know I talk a good game about this stuff but maybe love doesn't really exist between a man and  a woman. I'm sure SAM would disagree but maybe he's wrong too. That's one of the reasons I started my gofundme campaign. I just wanted to know if love was true and real. I just wanted to know if I was right all along and it's always going to come crashing into single parenthood or if.... maybe there really is something to this. Maybe distance means nothing, and time means nothing; MAYBE love conquers all, and maybe I love SAM, but maybe I don't... and then what?

You tell me.

Now, don't take that to mean that this is all just one huge lie. Let me explain a little more.. The relationship I have with SAM it's....unique. Unique in that I never feel alone with him. And I resisted that at first! I was actually angry with the fact that he was saying he wanted to be by my side, I just was so angry that he would put me in a position to depend on someone other than myself when I KNOW I can't depend on anyone but myself. I was complicated then, because I'd never known a man to stand by a woman in all of her times of need. Not even my own father, whom I love to the moon and back, I'd do anything for him, but.... there were too many times that I saw my mother cry because she knew she was alone in life. Even if he was physically there, he was never really the supportive man she needed him to be.

I'm always afraid to end up like my mother, never being able to escape the disappointment of another.

Well, that's what makes SAM unique, I trust him. The way he is with me I always feel like I have a partner. When we talk to each other, he always offers his help in any way that he can, even if in reality he really just can't. If I'm down about something he tries to understand me, he apologizes if its about him. He is patient with me if I'm confused or concerned and if there is something that needs to be done between us, then we try to work it out together. I don't think it is because of me, that SAM is this way. I actually think he just is that way because when we spoke about marriage one time (just like your ideal marital situation not us getting married as this was way before the whole thing developed), he said how he wanted him and his wife to both work and both bring something to the table. I guess the way he described it he put them on equal pedestals, and I was really, really impressed by that lol. Because in traditional Zulu culture (and Sam is Zulu) women are of far less worth than their husbands once they're married. If they're unmarried, virgins they're worth a lot but after that... Oh I'm sorry, who are you? oh! right! Wife number 5. -_-.

Anyway, the point is, I don't know what love is, so maybe I can't intellectually stake claim on my love for Sam. But at the same time I love having someone to take every step with me, even if it hurts sometimes, even if its not always fun. I love the person that I've grown to know even though I actually was not trying to get involved at all, lol.

He's a gem guys I mean believe me when I say, he's a gem and ... maybe that doesn't make it love but it certainly makes it anything and everything I'm not willing to give up.

So what is love guys?! Someone please tell me how did you know when you first fell in love? I know there's some good stuff out there! Comment, subscribe, and most importantly share!

Episode 4: Now this Hennessy is gonna be the death of me

OOPS! Did I say Hennessy?
Definitely meant jealousy, but since you're here...
Let's talk about it!

I'm feeling down in the dumps today, so I want to share some of my favorite bits and pieces of SAM.

Back when we were in South Africa, I used to rant about this guy named Sbu! I'd be like Sbu took me here! Sbu's great! Sbu this, Sbu that, blah blah blah. And SAM was always just like.... why are you telling me this? Yeah, making this man jealous, didn't seem like the easiest thing in the world. 

But now! NOW it's a completely different story. 

 Now SAM is the kind of guy who will wave his friends over to say 'hi" to me and then quickly shoo them away for talking to me for too long. -_-

If I even tell him I'm going out? That's the end of the conversation. He wants ZERO parts of me going out, being around other guys, anything of the sort. And I have my own reservations about SAM being associated with girls who Study Abroad. C'mon, I'm American... I studied abroad... and look at me now -_-!! So many of you are probably like "Niomi, that makes perfect sense"

Well, when you are thousands of miles away from someone, being skeptical about them being around the opposite gender is a pretty tall order! To be quite frank, me and SAM are not IN a relationship, we HAVE a relationship, which are two completely different things. There are too many possibilities for other people (closer people) to walk in and out of our lives to set any real restrictions. So I guess we're technically:

 "NO STRINGS ATTACHED"

Well this is where it gets verrrrry interesting, Are you with me here?

How many guys, do you know are opposed to a "no strings attached' relationship? 

Show of hands? 

Probably ZERO or maybe 2 or 3 if they lied.

*The nature of our relationships these days are to be uncommitted, unattached, or say we are attached and then just not be faithful. and WHY do we do this? Because we don't know what to expect from each other and from life. We don't know who/ when/ or what the one is and we are doubtful of our own conscious ability to define it.

And I've been there too many times to count, so SAM? SAM has a free pass to roam around South Africa gettin' it (for lack of a better term), but he doesn't. And I don't know why he doesn't but there's something about this thing... this thing that we've built that makes it hard to see anyone else. So I'm saying even thousands of miles apart from each other SAM is more than willing, and even insists on us having somewhat of a "monogamous" relationship.

I'm floored.

I'm absolutely, 100% taken back by the idea that one guy wants to settle down here, in this world, with me ...& not with me, at the same time. And it might be hard to believe, but follow our story and you'll see just how true it is. I lay down my armor with him, I accept his jealousy as he accepts mine as a testament to the fact that I'm always in your corner, as long as you're always in mine. 

We may not be perfect yet ;] but check out how we communicate our differences! This was a riff we were having on my birthday! A little effort goes a long way ladies and gents!

So what's the verdict on jealousy guys? Healthy or Not? Is moderate jealousy a thing? Let me know! Comment and join the conversation. Orrrrrrr ....

Be the CURE! 

Help me and SAM get closer so we don't need to be jealous @ gofundme.com/goingthedistance ! ($5 is all it takes to change a life, and catch a dream)

Blooper Reel 2: From weirdos with love!

I always like to throw a little fun in the mix of all this lovely chaos. So this time we're talking about weirdos! See, I love SAM and I think he's very attractive but SOMETIMES he's just plain weird! Hence! some of his photos reflect that lol. So this is to all the beauties out there who love or have loved their weirdos at their best and their worst. What's your favorite odd looking couple? Do you have a weirdo you can't get enough of?!? Comment & share!

Niomi Sterling's Slidely by Slidely Slideshow

Episode 3: Our FIRST CHAT Today!!!

I JUST VIDEO CHATTED WITH SAM FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!

It's the first time since I left Durban in November that I've like seen him animated, and it was SO MUCH FUN! I just, I just can't express how sad and happy you can be about something so tiny. The picture wasn't even great but I could see him smile, and make silly facial expressions and hear him make fun of me all at once for the first time in so long. I absolutely, 100% miss that face and just everything. Absolutely everything that comes along with it. Ugh, it's so bittersweet. I only spoke to him for like 15 minutes, that's all the time we could really have. In South Africa, you have to "pay as you go" with data, and SAM is just a student. He doesn't have a job or anything yet and they don't do this widespread free wifi thing like what I get at college so... he only gets a little at a time and... every picture eats a chunk so just imagine the video stream. Sigh. 

And that's the thing.

Long distance is hard, $2000 plane tickets are hard, but even worse is that we can barely afford to communicate. Seriously, how fcked up is that? That's probably the last 15 minutes I'll have with him today and maybe even tomorrow too. Every text, every picture, every video, every sound clip, every attempt to video chat all has a pricetag on it. I'm lucky to have someone willing to go through it all even if its hard & expensive. I think I'm lucky for that. SAM even got an iphone to make it easier, which fyi and iphone is an EXPENSE in South Africa, every little feature on the iphone costs money in South Africa. Instagram?!?! forget it! You better be a millionaire to afford to use instagram the way we do here in the states. I remember my friend using up like months worth of data in one night on instagram -___- shame. 

But anyway, even though it's not perfect, it's still beautiful. I still love what we have and I wouldn't ask for anyone else. But I miss him so much, every day, I just miss him.

gofundme.com/goingthedistance

Episode 2: GoFundMe & Breaking the Law

I guess it's not hard to see, this whole endeavor is a project. I'm a private person, I hate other people being in my business and knowing the inner workings of my mind but...

Well, yesterday SAM (sfiso's nickname) asked me if I honestly thought we would ever see each other again. It wasn't the first time he'd asked and I'm sure it won't be the last but, there are only so many "see you soons" and "it will be fine"s a person can take when they're wanting something intangible. What is a relationship with someone you can't touch? Can't reach out and hold when they're sad, or cold, or lonely? I think that we didn't know what we were getting into when we decided to keep in touch. When they say distance makes the heart grow fonder they were telling the god honest truth, but I don't know if fonder means stronger.

I wonder if I will forget his face, so I save his photos.

I wonder if I will forget his voice, so I call when I can.

I wonder if he will forget me, so I ask insistently.

If you've ever been the person who just wants to make another person as happy as they make you feel, you'll know that being in two different continents makes that challenge the biggest mountain you've ever climbed... but you don't stop climbing. We can't stop trying. If I only have one life to live and I never risk it, I never put myself on the limb for a gift towards the unconventional than... what am I living for?

I will probably work a dead-end job, I will probably struggle financially, I will probably see the same neighborhoods over and over in life but I will never say that I didn't fight out of fear of the unknown. I'm giving it my all, even risking putting these thoughts out there in the open just to garner some support for this beautiful tragedy, I know! that I want to make someone happy. And the simplest thing... can I see you again one day? 

Well... yes. I can't afford it, I'm immobile, I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place but the moment that the window of opportunity opens yes! I'm running through it. I can't wait for life to make it easy to love, but I know life has already made it worth it.

Anyway I appreciate the help if you can in any way (gofundme.com/goingthedistance), but if not I appreciate the company. Read, comment, let me know if you've been here too? Maybe distance wasn't your problem... was it something else?

Blooper Reel 1: How to be _______ in love ft. Yonce

BEY always lets us know exactly how to be _____ in love.

Check out how she's been loving on Jay-Z from the beginning! 

 And which phase are you in crazy? dangerous? or drunk honey!?

*Some might say I'm in the danger zone, but I for one think I'm still stuck at Upgrade you! ;)

Don't forget to check out my gofundme! http://www.gofundme.com/756vbs (even $1 helps!)